Ah yes, those pesky intensive outpatient programs for the mentally ill but not so ill that inpatient is needed.
I made my way through several different outpatient programs. Some I remember fondly with like-minded patients, others I wanted to run far, far away from. If only I could curate everyone’s mind and put together the perfect group of people to get better with. This post breaks down my most successful experience and how it worked for me. Your experience may be different, or you may not need this level of care.
I was close to 40 when I entered my first depression and anxiety intensive outpatient program. I’d been fired from my job and my daughter and I had moved in with my parents. My daughter was in school, so she was happy and progressing, but I just wasn’t doing well. I wasn’t skipping work, but I was useless due to my anxiety and depression. I was seeing a therapist and he suggested that I needed more attention than our weekly sessions. He thought I’d benefit from an intensive outpatient program in the hospital where he worked.
Intensive outpatient programs are typically (your experience may be different) two weeks long, focus on depression and anxiety, and meet for a full day. Mine started with group therapy in the morning, lunch, a lecture on topics such as nutrition, exercise, medication compliance, sleep habits, meditation, and other topics that fit well within the realm of mental health. In the afternoon, I met with the psychiatrist to go over meds. Each day followed that routine. Essentially, it’s a place to be seen and heard without needing 24-hour inpatient care.
Getting as much attention as these programs offer was important for me. And being around other people who were sharing their mental health journeys helped show me that I wasn’t alone. Some people were coming from inpatient care and stepping down to outpatient care, while others, like me, had never been inpatient.
The program gave me a support system, which I didn’t have on the outside. My support system was falling apart as many people don’t view mental illness as a disease. Since I’d been majorly depressed and anxious for a few years without much relief, my friends and family fell away. The intensive outpatient program gave me some of that support back. I got the opportunity to really spill everything about my mental health without judgement.
I appreciated the lectures because at the time, I was juggling mental illness and my role as a mom. I did not want my daughter to feel any of the grief I felt inside. And being around her lifted my mood. But all the normal self care things you do in a day were non-existent for me. So, practicing meditation or learning about healthy eating habits, sleep habits, exercise and many other wellness topics resonated with me because I had put all that aside so I could make room in my life for this giant monster called Mental Illness. My life was split in two halves between my daughter and my mental illness. I was lost.
Later in the day when I would meet with the psychiatrist, we’d go over the long list of medications I had tried and evaluate how to move forward with something that would work. This part of the program requires the most knowledgable person in the program. And anyone who has dealt with psychiatrists knows that there are good ones, and really bad ones.
At the time, I knew A LOT about psych meds and had tried over a dozen antidepressants in the space of a few years. I’d tried every sedative for sleep and was headed in the wrong direction in terms of meds. Unfortunately in this program, I was working with a psychiatrist who seemed to have very little knowledge about unconventional treatments that should be discussed when you have treatement-resistent depression like I did.
One of the most important things I learned in intensive outpatient treatment that I still live by all these years later is to ask myself if my current behavior is getting me closer to or further away from my goal of being mentally well. I apply that way of thinking to so many parts of my life. It may help you as well.
