When I was in the depth of my depression, anxiety, and panic disorder, coming and going between inpatient programs, and living off of barely any sleep, my daughter was about 6-8. She stayed with my parents when I went inpatient, but in general, came through my illness unscathed. I just told her I was going on a business trip and she was okay. It wasn’t until she was about 16 and started suffering from her own bout with anxiety and needed therapy and medication that I finally started telling her age appropriate stories about my mental health journey. I also came up with ways, shown below, to get her to confide in me without feeling like she was being judged. It was difficult, but this post should give you an idea of how to discuss depression or anxiety with a young person.
Talking about depression with kids isn’t easy, but it’s become more crucial than ever. Today, many children face mental health challenges, including depression, at increasingly young ages. As a parent, you might wonder how to start conversations that matter. In this guide, I’ll use my own experience to explore ways to discuss this delicate topic openly and effectively. We’ll look at why open communication makes a difference and how it can create a supportive home environment. Understanding how kids and depression interact helps us guide our children through tough times, ensuring they feel heard and understood.
Understanding Depression in Children
Depression isn’t just a word adults throw around when they’re feeling down—it’s a real thing that can happen to kids too. As a parent, it might be tough to imagine that your child could be dealing with something like depression. But recognizing and understanding it can really make a difference in your child’s life. A snoop session on my daughter’s phone revealed that she clearly had anxiety and suicidal ideation. I can’t tell you that snooping is a good way to find out what’s happening in your child’s life, but I’d do it again in a second.
Signs and Symptoms of Depression
Kids and depression might not be two words you think go together, but they do. Understanding the signs and symptoms is like having a flashlight in a dark room—suddenly everything becomes clearer. Depression in kids can show up differently depending on their age, and it’s crucial to spot these signs early.
- Preschool-aged children might not have the words to say how they feel. Look for changes in mood or behavior. They might seem more irritable than usual or lose interest in playing.
- In elementary school kids, watch for changes in their school performance or withdrawal from friends. They might complain about headaches or stomachaches without a clear medical cause. During this period of my daughter’s life, I watched her like a hawk to make sure she wasn’t suffering from my suffering.
- Teens can be a bit trickier. They might show signs of irritability or anger more than sadness. You might notice changes in their sleep, appetite, or a lack of motivation. If they start talking about feeling hopeless or losing interest in activities they once enjoyed, it’s time to take it seriously.
Recognizing these signs can be like putting together the pieces of a puzzle. Each piece helps to complete the picture of what’s happening with your child.
The Importance of Addressing Mental Health
Why is it so important to address mental health in kids? Think of mental health like the foundation of a house. If the foundation is shaky, everything else becomes unstable. Talking to kids about depression is a way to build a strong base, helping them understand their feelings and seek help when needed.
- Reduces Stigma: Having open discussions about depression helps kids know it’s okay to talk about their feelings. It’s like opening a window and letting fresh air in, clearing out the stigma and misunderstandings.
- Promotes Well-being: By talking to kids early, you teach them how to cope with emotions. It’s like giving them a toolbox filled with the right tools to handle various situations in life.
- Prevents Long-term Issues: Addressing mental health early can prevent issues from snowballing into something bigger. It’s like catching a small leak before it turns into a flood.
Engaging kids about mental health means you’re nurturing a healthier community, where kids grow into emotionally intelligent adults. It’s not just a conversation; it’s an investment in their future. So, never underestimate the power of opening up about these crucial topics.
How to Initiate Conversations About Depression
Talking to kids about depression can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with ever-changing pieces. It’s important to get the conversation started, but how do you approach such a big topic? Whether you’re chatting with a curious toddler or an independent teenager, using the right words can make all the difference.
Talking to Toddlers and Preschoolers
Communicating with young children about depression requires a gentle touch and simple language. Little kids are like sponges soaking up everything around them, but their grasp of complex emotions is still budding. Here’s how you can approach them:
- Use Simple Words: Talk to them about feelings like “happy,” “sad,” or “mad.” You might say, “Sometimes people feel really sad for a long time, and that’s called depression.”
- Relate to Their World: Use familiar examples, like how they feel when their favorite toy breaks. Explain that these feelings can sometimes last longer.
- Ask Basic Questions: Encourage them to express their feelings by asking, “What makes you feel happy or sad?” Their answers can open doors to more complex topics around feelings and mental health.
- If you’re the one who is depressed, your child is too young to fully explain to about your illness, especially if you’re a single parent, like me.
Engaging Elementary School Kids
As children grow, their understanding of emotions becomes more sophisticated. At the elementary level, they start to connect the dots between actions and feelings. Here’s how to get them talking:
- Use Relatable Stories: Share stories that involve characters feeling sad and overcoming their struggles. This can help them see depression through someone else’s eyes.
- Discuss Feelings Openly: Encourage them to share how they feel by asking questions like, “Have you ever felt sad for a long time?” This helps normalize talking about emotions.
- Incorporate Activities: Use drawing or role-play as creative outlets for expressing feelings. Kids often express what they can’t verbalize through art or play.
- If absolutely necessary, if your depression is causing you to act obviously different enough that it deserves some type of explanation, be as encouraging as possible.
Communicating with Teenagers
Teenagers are navigating their way to independence, and depression can be a tough topic to discuss as they strive for autonomy. Here’s how to connect with them:
- Be Direct and Honest: Teenagers appreciate honesty. Talk openly about depression, explaining that it’s a common health issue, just like a cold or flu.
- Show Respect for Their Independence: Ask for their opinions and listen without judgment. Say something like, “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about how you’re feeling.”
- Use Technology Wisely: Share articles or videos about mental health that they can relate to, creating a starting point for discussions. They often find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone.
- Help your child find resources, like therapy and medication if needed.
- Share with them any experience you have with depression without making them feel anxious by your depression. If you’re a single parent, make damn sure they know they have a larger family group that can offer support as well.
Starting conversations about depression doesn’t have to be daunting. By adjusting your approach to fit their age and understanding, you can help your kids feel safe and supported. Remember, it’s all about opening the door to communication and letting them know you’re there for them, no matter what.
