Part of true self care–not the Goopified version with candles and bubble baths–means setting boundaries in your life so you’re not over extending yourself. But creating those boundaries can be a bit tricky.
When I was suffering from depression, anxiety, and panic disorder, any good day was reason enough for people to pounce on me and pull me in every direction. My daughter was young so the play dates were non-stop, work was becoming more difficult as overtime was starting to become an issue, and my family just wouldn’t take no for an answer to anything. I needed to protect myself as I turned into a butterfly again and keep commitments to a minimum.
Boundaries are an essential part of your mental health and well-being, yet many people struggle with setting and maintaining them. Without boundaries, you feel overwhelmed, stressed, and taken advantage of, which can lead to negative impacts on your mental health. However, setting and enforcing boundaries can be difficult, especially when you’re worried about disappointing others or being perceived as selfish.
Why Setting Boundaries is Important for Mental Health
Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and improving your mental health. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Protects Your Energy: When you have healthy boundaries, you can protect your energy and prevent others from draining you. This can help you feel more positive and engaged in your daily lives.
2. Reduces Stress: When you have clear boundaries, you can reduce stress and prevent overwhelm. When you say yes to everything and everyone, you feel stretched too thin, leading to stress and burnout.
3. Improves Self-Esteem: Setting boundaries can improve your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. When you stand up for yourself and communicate your needs, you show that you value and respect yourself.
4. Increases Respect: Setting boundaries can help others respect you more. When you have clear boundaries, others know what you’re and are not comfortable with, which can lead to more positive and respectful interactions.
Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries
1. Know Your Limits: The first step in setting boundaries is understanding your limits. What are you comfortable with, and what makes you feel uneasy? Once you have a clear understanding of your limits, you can communicate them more effectively.
2. Be Clear and Direct: When setting boundaries, it’s essential to be clear and direct. Be honest about what you need and what you’re comfortable with. Avoid using vague language or hinting at your needs, as this can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Speak up! Even if you’re worried that you might anger someone or hurt their feelings, that’s about them, not you. I dealt with this dynamic all the time.
3. Practice Self-Care: Setting boundaries can be difficult and uncomfortable, so it’s important to practice self-care during the process. Take breaks, practice self-compassion, and prioritize activities that help you feel calm and centered.
4. Start Small: If you’re new to setting boundaries, start with small changes. For example, practice saying “no” to small requests or setting a time limit for a meeting. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually set more significant boundaries. I wish I had started slowly creating boundaries. I read a book that inspired me so much that I made huge changes all at once. Many backfired on me leading me to backup and start with baby steps.
5. Seek Support: Setting boundaries can be challenging, and it’s essential to seek support when needed. Talk to a therapist, trusted friend, or family member who can provide encouragement and guidance as you navigate this process.
As I write this, I’m reminded about my experience of setting boundaries. I decided to keep my daughter as my main focus and continue to keep her entertained, healthy, socialized, and catered to her every need. Everything else in my life fell into the boundary-setting category. Knowing my limits, being clear and direct, practicing self-care, starting small, and seeking support helped me set healthy boundaries in my personal and professional lives. Remember, setting boundaries takes practice, but the benefits for your mental health are well worth the effort.
