Ever find yourself caught in the perfectionism trap, always striving for impossible standards? It’s exhausting and can seriously undermine your mental health. We’ve all been there, believing that anything short of perfection just isn’t good enough. But it’s time to rethink these unrealistic expectations. Perfectionism often masquerades as a strength, but it can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout instead.
When I was recovering from my depression and anxiety, I was in a race with myself to go back to that organized, self motivated person that I was before my mental illness crash. I was aiming for perfectionism because that would mean I was fully recovered. So when I fucked up anything, I would spiral into thinking that the depression and anxiety were coming back. I had to be perfect … the perfect mom, daughter, employee, friend. But that goal just continued backfiring on me. Truth is, none of us are all those things no matter what mental illness you’re dealing with, if any. I was setting myself up for failure and that was something I would not be able to handle.
Understanding Perfectionism and Its Effects
Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page regarding understanding perfectionism. Perfectionism is the drive to attain flawless outcomes, characterized by setting high personal standards, fear of failure, and overly critical self-evaluation. This tendency can manifest in various behaviors, including Avoiding tasks due to the fear of not achieving excellence. Taking on too much, believing that only personal effort ensures perfection. Constantly criticizing oneself for minor mistakes or perceived inadequacies.
The Link Between Perfectionism and Mental Health
So, how does this relentless pursuit of perfection tie into mental health issues? Perfectionism and mental health are closely linked, often feeding one another in a challenging cycle.
- Anxiety and Stress: The constant pressure to meet high standards can lead to heightened stress and anxiety levels. It feels like walking a tightrope, where any slip might be disastrous.
- Depression: When perfection is unachievable, disappointment can spiral into depression. The gap between expectation and reality becomes an emotional quagmire. That’s where I was.
- Burnout: Pushing oneself to the brink leads to emotional exhaustion and physical depletion. It’s like running a marathon at sprint speed; sooner or later, you’ll run out of steam.
Common Signs of Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations often manifest in specific behaviors and thought patterns. If we know what to look for, we can start to let them go.
- Perfectionism: Insisting that every detail must be flawless can paralyze us. It’s like trying to paint the Mona Lisa with a single hairbrush.
- Comparison: Constantly measuring ourselves against others can be exhausting. It’s like running a race where the finish line keeps moving.
- Fear of Failure: If every mistake feels catastrophic, our expectations might need adjusting. Remember, failure is a stepping stone, not a sinkhole.
- Rigid Thinking: Seeing things as only black and white allows no room for the colorful spectrum of life’s possibilities.
- Approval Seeking: When our self-worth hinges on other’s opinions, we feed the beast of unrealistic expectations.
Being aware of these signs helps us understand when our mental health might be affected by these pressures.
Strategies to Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can feel like being on a never-ending treadmill, forever chasing an elusive ideal. It often disguises itself as motivation but ends up as a roadblock to happiness and mental health. To escape its clutches, we need practical strategies that motivate genuine progress rather than chasing unattainable standards.
I worked hard with my therapist during my recovery to take a beat and stop setting such delusional expectations of myself. As I said above, if I was perfect, than I was fully healed. But I had to let that mindset go. I had to take it easy on myself and know that perfectionism shouldn’t be my goal. Feeling better and meeting my family’s needs became the goals. I had to keep my life more “casual” by putting certain boundaries up and dealing with the things that slipped through without expecting a perfect outcome.
Set Realistic Goals
First things first—let’s talk about goals. Setting realistic goals involves understanding your capacity and situating your targets within that framework. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
- Break It Down: Chop big goals into bite-sized pieces. Like building a house, you lay the foundation before tackling the roof.
- Be Specific: Instead of vague aims, go for precise goals (e.g., “write 500 words daily” instead of “write more”).
- Permit Imperfection: Allow room for mistakes as part of the learning curve. Nothing grows in a vacuum.
Isn’t it funny how we demand flawless performance from ourselves but forgive friends for minor errors? We need to give ourselves that same grace. Imperfection is part of the human experience, a quirky little companion on our journey. So stop putting yourself down if you make mistakes. Normalize those mistakes, celebrate your attempts, and be your own cheerleader.
Seek Support
Sometimes, letting go of perfectionism requires external help. I couldn’t have done it without my therapist. But you can find support groups or even good friends to help keep you in check when you start striving for perfectionism. Therapy or support groups can be invaluable for gaining perspective and understanding your patterns:
Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up on doing well. It’s about freeing yourself from the suffocating grip of impossible standards and letting your true self shine.
Moving Forward: Building a Healthy Mindset
With a healthy mindset, we can transform the way we approach tasks, transitioning from a rigid perfection-oriented outlook to one that values progress and personal growth. This is what I call “casual.” You remove the perfectionism and let some of that awful stress slip away. Then life becomes slightly more casual. You’re description may be different.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Focusing on progress rather than perfection means valuing each step of your journey and the lessons learned along the way. Let’s think about it. If aiming for perfection feels like an endless uphill battle, focusing on progress is like taking a scenic walk through your experiences. You gain more appreciation for every step.
