When I was 11, I lived in an apartment with my family. We’d just finished dinner, so it was my job to walk down the hall and dump the trash.
I opened the door and took a few steps before seeing my elderly neighbor walking out his front door. I said hi to him while walking his way, but he didn’t hear me. He had on pajamas and a robe and was holding something in his hand. The door shut behind him, and then, in a single movement, he raised a gun to his head and shot himself.
A million things happened around me as I stood there, frozen. The rest of the evening was just a blur of police, the coroner, tenants in shock, and the neighbor’s wife screaming and crying from inside her apartment, where my mom was consoling her.
I later found out that his wife had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he was sick as well. He could not stick around to see his wife die and live with his crippling depression, so he chose to exit this world the only way he knew how.
Looking back on this as an adult, I can’t help but think that if he’d just had somebody to talk to—a friend, relative, or professional—he would have been equipped to stay alive and care for his wife with help. If he had just had a conversation with someone, or if someone had just reached out to him, things could have been much different.
When dealing with mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, or panic attacks, a conversation needs to happen. Perhaps you’re suffering and feel isolated, lonely, and overwhelmed. You feel like nobody will understand what you’re feeling and that nobody wants to hear about your mental health crisis. I beg you to find someone close to you, anyone who you think will listen and maybe even take action for you.
Tell that person what you’ve been going through and what you need from them. Maybe you need a daily check-in, time out of your house with another person, or someone who can help you find professional care. And if this person doesn’t pull through for you, find somebody else. You can find professional care online now or join a group with like-minded people. Relying on help online without having help in real life isn’t the same. But if it allows you to ask for help and get it, then it’s a great place to start.
If you see a friend or relative acting differently, isolating, or portraying a more downcast demeanor, start a conversation. Ask if they need help. Don’t just assume that they may have everything under control. Ask! You may get rejected at first, but don’t give up. Offer help, make some suggestions of ways you can help, and be open to being available for this person.
Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and the many other mental health disorders out there can be very complex and often require a support team, not just one friend who offers help. But if you feel unwell, reach out to one person and get that conversation going. And if you’re helping someone suffering, don’t feel you have to offer all the needed help. But reach out. Be the first step to someone and get the conversation going.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please visit the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988lifeline.org or text 988.
